Nine months of carrying the greatest gift God has given us has taught me so much and while I don’t think I could ever sum it up in this blogpost I will try as I want to remember and reference this in the future. So really, today I feel like I’m writing a letter to myself 🙂 I am so grateful for this experience and the whole journey of getting pregnant, to finally experiencing pregnancy and getting so close to meeting our baby. This process has stretched me, humbled me and been one of the greatest teachers. I’ve learned many lessons along the way but today I wanted to share some that stand out to me most…
I learned the beauty and peace that comes with surrendering and trusting…
When you are pregnant you are in control of…very little. I was really challenged with this while we were trying to get pregnant, which is why I think I was able to release a lot when things were happening during my pregnancy and I had more tools to deal with whatever came up. It’s a vulnerable experience of full surrender to your body, symptoms, growing, stretching, trusting, praying for your baby’s health and development and of course the most unpredictable moment it’s all leading up to — birth. I have learned to go with the flow, casting all my cares on the Lord in ways if I am being totally honest I have probably never done with such ease before and the more I do the more peace He gives me. When I accept things quicker, I find peace quicker. Being pregnant in a pandemic with so many life changes around us as well has been a test of surrendering. Something I’ve had to go through many times with my counsellor while TTC were these big questions: Do I really trust God? Do I believe He has my best? I am constantly giving over my trust to God to see us through each week of pregnancy, each challenge and each unknown. For someone who found it hard to let go of the control a few years ago, I am grateful for how much the journey of getting pregnant to pregnancy itself has taught me to put my trust in God for everything. I have way more peace about situations I can’t control and know He has my best, even if things haven’t or didn’t turn out the way I wanted or planned for in my journey. The quicker I accept His plan, surrender and trust, the more peace I find He returns my way.
I learned just how much of a miracle life truly is…
Pregnancy is not the most glamorous of experiences, there are a lot of body changes and it’s the first time I’ve ever had such a significant change in my body. I’ve always been around the same weight all my life and though I never feared the change or stretch marks, it is of course different! They say pregnancy is like a natural stress test for our bodies as it endures a lot and I am just grateful for my body and what it has been able to do. I’m just sitting here as it’s forming a human and really, that’s all God and His design. I am thankful He breathed life in my womb, a total answer to prayer and it has made me realize just how much life is truly a miracle to even happen, create and grow. It’s literally a miracle we are all here and the ones that made it out of all the chances. YOU were the one who made it when the sperm and egg met and you came to the other side. It’s the coolest thing. Every little kick or jab this little girl gives me, I am amazed! Amazed how tiny she started out (a cluster of cells) to a full grown, full-term baby and how much she has grown. It’s made me appreciate my own parents more, it’s made me appreciate the gift of life everyday and it’s made me so in awe of how God works. I go into deep thought day and night of how He created this whole process of growing a human and amazed by His design. If I can give anyone advice that’s struggling with the changes: be kind to yourself, nourish your body, appreciate the growing and stretching, for it’s making a miracle. Eat and rest. I am in no rush to lose baby weight, I am intentionally looking to nourish myself after I give birth, to heal, balance my hormones and feel good. Just enjoy each moment, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s a total miracle. I still get goosebumps thinking how God has used me as a vessel to create this human He has a specific purpose for such a time as this! Esther 4:14
I learned the importance of protecting my peace…
Something I’ve taken away from pregnancy is how much you have to protect your peace because you have two hearts you’re caring for now, not just yours. I’m grateful that it took time for us to get pregnant because it made me deal with a lot of pre-existing issues I had with anxiety and boundaries which I believe prepared me even more for this unknown season. No season is a waste. It’s really important to be mindful of the energy around you, the people you let in your life (and speak into your life) and tools to have for yourself when anxiety, fear or stress strike. I really dived into nurturing myself in preparation to nurture this baby girl and I’m glad I took time to step away, work less, rest, eat what I wanted, move my body, protect myself with what I consumed and let in. I love this verse from Proverbs 4:23 that says, “above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Something sort of takes over when you’re pregnant, this mama bear instinct sets in and you really just only have time for things, people and energy that are going to fill up your cup and not drain you. We have to be mindful of who we let speak into our lives and there are a lot of people that even if they are “well-meaning” that can provide unsolicited advice to you when you’re pregnant or vulnerable and really do a number. I know when most people project, they’re speaking from their own fears, trauma or experiences but you don’t have to take it on as your own. If you have to step away from social media, people, news, etc. do so! You have the choice, and peace is always yours. Protect it 🙂
I learned to better advocate for my health…
I am someone who is very in tune with her body — I can feel or notice when something is off quite instantly and I want to jump right on it the moment I feel it. So, when I got pregnant, I of course had tons of questions about what different symptoms meant or if what I was feeling was right. Having gone through a miscarriage, the beginning of my pregnancy had more nerves and I really needed assurance which I’m so grateful I received through monitoring, talking with friends, family and doctors. There’s nothing “little” to feel ridiculous about to ask your healthcare provider (OB, midwife or doula), it’s all totally valid. I’ve been extra pre-cautious because I’ve never had a full-term pregnancy until now and everything was new. There were a few extra ultrasounds, monitors, appointments and specialists I had to see during these 9 months to check out valid issues and I’m grateful I spoke up and put it out of my mind to not stress about it any further and get more answers. If there was an issue with myself or baby, I wanted to make sure I was taking action right away. Sometimes you can feel a little silly or as if it may not be a big deal to mention, but there’s absolutely nothing to feel silly about or to delay asking especially when you’re pregnant and carrying another life. I also wanted to know my rights (you always have options in the hospital) as well as wanting to understand the process of birth further. I hired a doula for prenatal classes, breastfeeding, birth and postpartum support and it is the best thing I could have ever done! So grateful for her. In addition to speaking up with doctors and hiring a doula, I also did some online sessions with my Christian counsellor I love and trust to help me mentally through moments I struggled with. Getting support from your care providers for whatever it is you need, pregnant or not, is the most responsible, helpful, stress relieving thing you can do for yourself! Learning to be a better advocate for my mental and physical health has served me so much in this pregnancy. Trust your gut and speak up, and if you don’t feel supported, you have choices then too.
I learned the beauty of slowing down…
I’ve always been someone who never thrived on a fast pace of life (the busier I was in life, the more I had anxiety). A full calendar stresses me out, too much travel, away from home, project after project with no rest in between all can lead to burnout for me (for anyone I’d think). When the pandemic hit, I didn’t find it difficult to stop traveling or just slow down and be (although I miss the occasional trip/getaway) because I’ve always been a homebody. Pregnancy slows you down even more sisters! Your body is physically going through so much more and you can’t do all the things or work/live at the same speed you once could and honestly I wasn’t disappointed about it. I’ve prayed for a baby for so long, I didn’t care what it entailed, if it meant I was sick in bed for months (thankfully only a short period of this), chained to a toilet peeing every few minutes, sleepless nights, aches and pains – I welcomed it with a giggle and constantly saying thanking the heavens I just had the opportunity to finally do this. We’ve been in a lockdown most of this year, as well as last year here in Ontario and being pregnant during this meant I could rest more. It meant I didn’t have to go to all kinds of events, travel for work, be uncomfortable or tired while out…it has actually been a treat to be home all the time with Neal and the dog. Of course I miss normalcy, seeing family and friends with ease, eating out a restaurant for brunch or shopping for baby in-store (simple, small things we used to do before without even thinking), but it was a welcome slow pace of life where I could fully focus on what my body needed even more. Now that I’m nearing my due date, I’ve just been working less, sleeping, eating, walking and preparing to meet my favourite little person! I can’t wait for her to get here so we can soak in the summer days and nights, learning, loving, snuggling, feeding, sleeping (and not sleeping) just the way God intended. I am so ready for this season!
I am so grateful for the pregnant season I’ve been in that will be coming to an end in days and just so excited to step into motherhood with more grace and gratitude.
